The Passing Storm

This week has been very interesting. I planned my surgery over a month ago and was planning on preparing myself physically, emotionally and mentally for this experience. It is no little thing, it takes a tremendous toll on ones body and my body needs to be completely ready for this. I need to be healthy and over "nutritioned' so to speak in all three areas. I will be laying on my stomach and sides for three weeks straight. Never sitting up or putting any kind of pressure on my precious behind :) I planned on taking the month to prepare myself. I did research and found some great protein shakes and bars and bought them. I was borrowing an awesome standing frame that takes me from a sitting position to standing up. And then allows you to glide by moving your arms. As you push the handles away and pull them towards you over and over, this also moves your legs. It was on loan and had great benefits for me. I knew it could help me get my body ready. I also wanted to work in the temple one last time before the surgery. I haven't been able to work since January when I had my last surgery, but I figured that as I got my body all ready to go I would be able to get down there again. Attending church a few times was also very important to me since I had been missing out in that also. 

And then I was reminded who was really in charge. I got pancreatitis and wasn't able to eat anything but fruit drinks for a couple of weeks. (well that’s not really eating...haha) when I did try solid foods I got sick and ended up back in the hospital again with dehydration and finally left there with a week and a half left before my scheduled surgery. I didn’t want to change the date but my protein levels were now really low. Your body needs extra protein in order for wounds to heal. My nutrition was terrible! I hadn't been able to exercise or work on myself physically and after being on pain meds and a month of unanswered questions about why I was in so much pain, emotionally/spiritually I was spent. Geepers this sounds so terrible… but I just want to tell you what was going on so you can truly understand how I felt and what it meant to me when I finally "saw the light" so to speak. :) 

There was no way I was going to reschedule again and I knew that everything would work out the way it was supposed to if it was right. Even though I didn't feel like I was ready, I knew that the Lord knows what His doing. I have been trying this week to play catch up and prepare myself, although emotionally it has been the hardest. I had hopes of being so excited and ready and gung-ho! But now it is all I can do to keep a smile on my face. But I want so much to be happy and excited! 

I was driving home from Delaware this evening, which is only about an hour away, and at the very beginning of my trip as I was on the freeway I could see the clouds rolling in. The sky was getting dark and you could tell the torrential downpour was about to begin shortly. Then all of the sudden it started pouring. I was kind of talking to my Heavenly Father and asking Him how I was going to get through these next 6 weeks at least. I didn’t know if I had it in me to do this again. My music was on random and the song by Katherine Nelson called 'Stronger Than the Storm' came on.. I thought about how difficult it is to drive in this storm. Cars are pulling off to the side of the road to wait until visibility is better, some are slowing down to a crawl and others are putting their flashers on as they cautiously continue driving. You can barely see the white lines guiding you on the road. It is hard to see where to drive as your windshield wipers are on full speed trying to clear the rain away as fast as it can. I wondered if pulling off was best or maybe I should just put on my flashers? I got the feeling that the way I am going to get through this storm is the same way I am going to get through this next surgery adventure. You just simply keep going. You just keep driving; you don't stop in the middle of the road and wait it out. You take one second at a time, you don't look too far ahead and it's defiantly not safe to look behind for very long. So you just keep going. He is always stronger than the storm. He will never let the storm overtake us.

As I got home and thought about the events of the day I also realized that I will get through this with the tremendous faith and strength of my friends and family. I know I won't be able to do this without them. I am so blessed to know such amazing people and am grateful for the support they give me. So where am I now?? I am very excited about this surgery! I know this is the one that I have been waiting for for 4 years. I know that if it be His will, this will be the final surgery and I can get back to being independent again and having new adventures!!