I Finally Did it! I Said Yes To The...

Well it finally happened! I had a subcutaneous rotational flap, nicknamed “the flap,” surgically done on the wound! I have been turning down my Dr’s requests to do a flap for the past 4 years. One of my most trusted Dr’s used to tell me that the success rate of a flap was 80/20…20% chance the flap Might work. Now why would I want a flap done with these results? That is why I finally ended up choosing these Dr’s and this hospital to perform this process. He said I have a 95% chance that this will close and not open again (the percentage raises the more we talk) The plan was I go into the hospital on Tuesday June 26 for the procedure. For the next 3 to 6 weeks I will be laying on my stomach and side to prevent any pressure from being on it. A flap is performed by plastic surgeons. They first clean out the bad tissue and bone and then take a large area of tissue around the wound and rotate the good tissue around into the wound and fill in the hole (wound) with the new tissue from other areas surrounding my old wound. It is really confusing and hard to explain but basically all everyone needs to know is there is no longer an open hole in my skin!!!! Everything is all filled in and there are a ton of staples and stitches holding it all together as it heals! This type of surgery can be very difficult to heal from. You have to have 0% pressure on it for 3 weeks at least and then the process of sitting back up is very slow and needs to be closely monitored. Any type of sheering or pressure can ruin the flap and this entire surgery would be pointless if I don’t pay close attention to my body. Even simply laying on it wrong could ruin it. These are things I have been praying and thinking about lately. I came out of surgery and was completely surprised to find myself lying on my back! I was back on one of the way uncomfortable gurneys, trying to recuperate from anesthesia while I waited for a room and permanent bed, or place of residency depending on how you look at it. :-) As I have written before it took me a long time to find this hospital and these amazing Doctors. I have high expectations from my surgeon and I know he will take care of me. So it was a huge surprise to wake up and find myself lying on my back on my newly surgicalled (I like to make up new words) site. I felt terrible! I didn’t want to ruin the flap, and I was really nervous that I already had. 

Usually the Dr comes in when you wake up after surgery and talks to my parents and me and gives us the play by play, so to speak, of the surgery. Ok maybe just the highlights of the game, the play by play would take too long…haha, anyway… it was 3½ hrs post operation and we hadn’t heard anything from him. I was starting to get a little uneasy! This isn’t the kind of thing I wanted to see so early on, I was getting nervous. I started to doubt that this was the right place, maybe these weren’t the right Dr’s. I totally threw the fear and doubt without faith card! Thankfully this was all going on in my head :) and I wasn’t having a breakdown in the middle of the recovery room. lol I felt like I was losing control and there wasn’t anything I could do about it. And then I was gently reminded that this has nothing to do with the Dr’s and the staff!!! I am putting my faith and trust in the wrong place. This will heal but it doesn’t matter if the nurses position me in the wrong spot while I am asleep and run the risk of hurting the wound. What matters is that I continue to have the faith of Job. No matter what was taken from him or how many times he got pounded down, he always tried to get back up and follow in the God that he knew loved him! Immediate peace came over me. All those feelings of anxiety and nervousness were gone. This will work out the way that it is supposed to. I know who is in charge of my healing.

I am kind of embarrassed writing this, but my hopes are that when we may be placed in similar circumstances again, you and I won't have to make the weak mistakes that I did. You will be able to have that faith and love without doubt. Complete love and trust in God. You can not have love and fear together. If they are together at all the fear completely takes over and love is left smoking in the dust. After my last surgery in January I was so sure this was my last surgery. I guess I should have clarified and said my last surgery at Bayview. haha But I have learned so much these last few months. The Lord is constantly reminding me that He is in charge. Yes I need to pray and ask for things but always including, if it be His will, in my prayers. By doing this my life and yours can be meshed together with the Lords and step by step He will help us become the sons and daughters we want to be.