It's not Fair!!

Years ago when my sister and her kids were living with us, the 3 kids used to sleep in my room. Ok fine, even as teenagers they still now sleep in my room when I’m home :)

My niece has always been very feminine. She loves the girly stuff. And the boys love the typical boys stuff. Each of their pajamas reflected their preferences. As children usually do, they began saying the phrase, “it’s not fair!” This usually occurred at bed time as we worked to get them to sleep. So I started replying with, “you’re right! Life’s not fair... if it were you would all be wearing the other genders pj’s!” After so many times of hearing this they stopped saying that phrase.

This last week I was having a “it’s not fair” moment! It’s not fair that I have been preparing for marriage my whole life and now I have to wait for someone else to be ready. (Ok this sounds totally awful as I type this, but in my head last week it was real lol) I have been living my life right, I am not perfect but I really try! And I get back up again when I falter. And then I meet someone who isn’t ready for marriage and this thing that I have been waiting for that I am so excited about, I still have to continue to wait even though a potential candidate could be right in front of me! But truth is, he isn’t ready! And he may not be ready for a long time! And he may not even be the right one for me. But if it is, it’s sooo close! And it’s so hard to wait! And it’s not fair that I have to wait! I’m doing what I’m supposed to! Why do I have to wait for someone who isn’t ready!? Why can’t I find someone who is ready!? And then I was reminded of the prodigal son. The father was just as excited to see the son return as he was to have the steady son still making good choices. Now I’m not saying my friend is making bad choices and is like the prodigal son in that way...but I relate this to the end moment when the son returned. Everything that was unfair didn’t matter. Everything that the son did before, didn’t matter! It “ministers to our education” the important part is that he returned! (See full quote below) He decided that he did want to live righteously! He also needed to go through the experiences that he did to become the son of God that he needed to be. If he didn’t go through those times, he wouldn’t have been the person that he was. The fact is, it’s all about where our end goal is and if we get there! The journey is important but it’s only important if we choose to follow Christ at the end. If we choose to learn from our experiences and become a better person. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I am not any different than the prodigal son in our Heavenly Fathers eyes. He loves us both the same! I am not better than anyone else! Me waiting for the right man to come along will teach me important lessons to prepare to be with him, just as he is learning lessons that will help him prepare to be with me. Who am I to tell the Lord when it’s the right time?



This week I was talking to my therapist. He has shared with me previously that his wife waited for him for 3 years before he was ready. He tells me that I’m like his wife in that it’s my choice if I want to wait for my friend to be ready. She did, and it worked out for her, but my love is a gift and I can decide when I am done giving that gift. In our session I told him that it wasn’t fair! (I don’t usually share my emotions like this, so this was new for me) I’ve done what I’m supposed to and worked on finding a companion and now I have to continue to wait for someone who isn’t ready. He replied, “you’re right, it isn’t fair, and it wasn’t fair for my wife either.” And just then I got the empathy and validation of my feelings that I needed, and I was ready to see another perspective. It’s not fair! But life isn’t fair! If it were fair I would have also been married for over 10 years and had 4 children and had my marriage fall apart and my heart shattered and ripped from my chest. But thankfully I haven’t gone through that. So now I will take back my bucket of my own hard experiences and go home. I’ll sit and wait patiently for my friend, to maybe be ready. Or I’ll sit and be with my friend as he processes his bucket of experiences, and we will see where it goes. I don’t want life to be fair! Please don’t make me go through all the experiences that others have to go through. I’ll take my bucket over anyone else’s any day :) I’m so Grateful life isn’t fair!!



"No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God... and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father and Mother in heaven."

- Orson F. Whitney, Conference Report April 1929, p. 110; quoted in Spencer W. Kimball, Faith Precedes the Miracle (1972), p. 98