You Change Your Thoughts, and Your Emotions Change Themselves!

Ever since I started my degree in Child Life I have been interested in why people, particularly children, do what they do. When they are in the hospital, what causes them to be scared of certain things and how can we help ease their minds and comfort them so they won’t be so scared. I love to think about how to teach and help children since they don’t understand most of the time what is happening to them and why.

There was a situation that I witnessed between a parent and a child. I did not agree with the way it was handled. What bothered me most was thinking about the way it was going to affect that child emotionally and if continued, possibly later on in his life. I was so angry at the parent I just didn’t know what to do. It wasn’t my place to say anything so I just stood back and watched the situation unfold. Afterwards I called my friend to vent and to hear words of comfort. I remember calling the parent a ‘jerk’ and for those that know me, know that is very rare of me. I do not like that word. I don’t know why that word bugs be so bad but it just feels so disrespectful and harsh. Anyway I called them this word and my friend said to me, ‘(so-in-so) is not a jerk, there is a reason they are doing what they are doing, or acting this way.’ And the light bulb came on! I hadn’t really thought about that in regards to adults before! Our actions are a reaction to our emotions and thoughts. There was a reason the parent was reacting that way. It could be because that’s the way they were taught by their parent, or maybe they were showing they were in control, maybe they just didn’t know what to do so this seamed like the best solution. Whatever it was we didn’t know. And my friend was right, who was I to judge why they were doing this. Yes it was ok that I was upset and disappointed in their decision but it wasn’t ok for me to name call and judge. Since then I have tried to pay more attention to why people are doing something rather than immediately judging them and forming a lasting, and probably unfair, opinion of them. Sometimes it is a great comfort thinking about the ‘why’ because once you know the why you can understand the person better and if appropriate, come up with solutions to change your reactions next time. 

In my own life this brings me great comfort in getting to know myself. I love learning about why I react to different situations because I can then work on the reactions that I don’t like and want to improve on. Anne Hatheway said on an interview the other day, ‘I love learning about emotions, why people act the way they do.’ Perhaps another word for reactions is emotions. I love learning about why I react or why I have certain emotions in certain situations. If there are emotions or reactions that you don’t like how can we change them? Peter McWilliams says, “We don’t have to change our emotions—we change our thoughts, and our emotions follow along.” I never realized how much my thoughts affected my emotions! He goes on to say, “Think of a lemon. Imagine cutting it in half. Imagine removing the seeds with the point of a knife. Smell the lemon. Now, imagine squeezing the juice from the lemon into your mouth. Imagine digging your teeth into the center of the lemon. Chew the pulp. Feel those little things (whatever those little things are called) breaking and popping inside your mouth. Most people’s salivary glands respond to the very thought of a lemon. For some people, thinking about the sound of fingernails on a chalkboard is physically uncomfortable. Try this—imagine an emery board or a double sided piece of sandpaper. Imagine putting it in your mouth. Bite down on it. Now move your teeth from side to side. Goose bumps? Thoughts influence our emotions.”

I have been so excited to learn about how much control I have over my thoughts thus affecting my emotions. I had no idea I could have so much control over my brain, body and spirit! So how do we change our thoughts…well, that is coming soon…:) But for now, when you are having a rough moment and you feel like you are wearing your emotions on your sleeve and you have no control over the tears that are flowing down your face, or steam that is coming out of your ears, or the words getting ready to come out of your mouth, all stemming from the thoughts in your head…remember there is hope! You change your thoughts, and your emotions change themselves!